Boulders and Bigfoot

I went on a hike yesterday. It was about 8 miles long and it seemed to be completely uphill. It was a long, yet fulfilling day spent with my fiancé and one of my best friends. Along the way we would stop, mostly to catch our breath, but also to admire the beautiful fall scenery and the landmarks along the way. About halfway up the mountain we started seeing boulders protruding from the ground. One small one we saw looked like a giant dog paw. This reminded me of a story….
When I was 5 we lived on Ft. Benning Army post in GA. We lived in the military housing and it sort of resembled a very plan townhouse/apartment. There were 5 or 6 of these homes per building. They were brick from the bottom to the second floor, where they switched to vinyl. Ours was a “lovely” shade of moss green. We lived in “D” which was on the right half of the building. On the left half of the building was a hill that had a large area that had been washed out. Being Georgia this pit was made of orange clay. On the occasion that my mom would allow my brother and me to play on that side of the building, we would gather friends and head to “Bigfoot’s footprint.” We had somehow come to the conclusion that this pit had areas that resembled toes and the pad of a foot and so, logically, it must have been the footprint of Bigfoot. We would emerge, orange from head to toe, from the “footprint” after playing, when the street lights came on and it was time to wash up for dinner. We never failed to have fun in that clay pit.
Several years later we drove past our old house and my brother and I asked my dad to stop the car so that we could go see “Bigfoot’s footprint.” Were we ever surprised! It was tiny; probably no more than 5 feet across in any direction, if that. It was really kind of disappointing to realize that a memory we had had for so long had been so skewed; that the Bigfoot footprint was really just a small eroded hole in the hillside and not a giant playground as we had remembered. But the funny thing is, when I think back to that time of being an orange, dirty kid, I don’t think about the reality of it all. I think about how we would play with our friends and fantasize about what Bigfoot had been doing to leave that footprint. I remember the fun first, the reality later.
Isn’t it wonderful?! To be able to hold on to those fond, sweet memories. To have them even when you know that there is a truer reality out there.

sweet times

I had s’mores tonight. This was the second time I had them this week. We bought the stuff, and roasted the marshmallows over the stove. An electric stove. And amazingly the marshmallows we able to both get nice and toasty and golden brown as well as crispy and burnt. It’s been a lot of fun making and eating these wonderful treats it has been even more fun being with the people who we ate them with. Saturday, the original day of the s’more was spent with my sweetheart who drove up for a visit. He, my roommate and I had a blast standing around the stove eating and talking and laughing. Tonight we had just as much fun with a few additional friends. They’ve been here for a while now and it’s been a blast. We’ve laughed and played in ways that I haven’t been able to do for a while…
As you can probably tell from my last few emo tweets, I’ve been under a bit (or a lot) of stress lately. This weekend, and tonight, I laughed.

a tiring optimist?

I was flipping through the channels the other day and saw a little snippet about the TLC special on Michael J Fox titled “The Adventures of an Incurable Optimist.” Now, we all know that Michael J Fox has a rare case of Parkinson’s disease. In my Neurology class I have learned a bit about this disease. I know that Parkinson’s is caused by the neurotransmitter Dopamine not being absorbed by the Basal Ganglia (along with a few other brain parts like the Subthalamus). There is medication for this, an artificial type of Dopamine, but the thing with the medications is, it only works for about 5 years, and it just masks the problem, so in 5 years, when the Basal Ganglia will no longer absorb the artificial Dopamine all the symptoms come back; only, their worse. They’ve been progressing over the past 5 years and you just haven’t been able to see them. Now, doctors tell you this when they diagnose you and prescribe the medication. Naturally, most people opt to take the medication. Five years is a very long time to live while facing an incurable disease. Most people aren’t diagnosed with this disease until later in life; so 5 years is even longer to live “normally” when you’re only looking at only 10 or 15 years left in your lifespan anyway. Mr. Fox’s condition is a very rare form, and he was diagnosed at a very young age. He has a very long time to live with this condition. Apparently this TLC special is about his fight in all of this; lobbing Congress for research funding, and his fight to stay positive through it all.
(Sorry for the long intro)
Watching this snippet left me wondering, were do we draw the line between being an optimist and being a realist. When do you stop seeing the silver lining? Do you ever stop when facing a problem such as this? Can you still be an optimist while taking in the entirety of the problem? Can you be an optimist and not just minimize the problem? Where does the balance rest?

A prayer

The past two weeks have been pretty, um, interesting. I was talking to my mom last night and the subject of our conversation reminded me of a verse from Job.

Job 1:20-21 (NIV) says:
20 At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship 21 and said:
"Naked I came from my mother's womb,
and naked I will depart. [c]
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised."

I taught on this verse as the Chaplin of my sorority one week when I was going through similar circumstances as my family is facing now.
You see, this verse has always meant a lot to me because I strive to be like Job but always fall short. As a “fixer” I have a really hard time “letting go and letting God.” I tend to verbally “give it to God” and then snatch it back so that I can do it myself, fix it how I want it fixed and be in control of the situation. That’s my biggest vise. I am a control freak. I want it done my way and on my schedule. Allowing myself to be seen in my imperfections, my weaknesses exposed, even to the one, true, God who knows the very number of hairs on my head, who already knows my heart and my venerability, is still very hard. To completely expose yourself, and then to praise God in the midst of sorrow and grief and shame…what a way to experience the total and complete love of God. If only we could do that, then we might be able to see a light at the end of the preverbal tunnel.

That is my prayer; to be able to fall onto my face, and to still praise the name of the Lord.

Worms!!!

I was at a pumpkin patch today with my family. The weather was perfect for it, the sky was bright blue and the air had that autumn crispness to it. We were all going through a hay maze, following my 21 month old niece. We walked over a patch of large acorns and she bent down to pick a few up. I did the same and it reminded me of a craft project I completed in the 4th grade.
It was around Thanksgiving that fateful fall. We had a class competition on who could make the best turkey. We all had the same turkey cutout, made of a file folder. We were told to go home and decorate it however we wanted. In a week we would bring them back to school and they would be judged by our neighboring class. Our names were hidden underneath the turkey, so this would be an unbiased judging (see the vocabulary word there?). Well, I was really excited. I went home and started brainstorming with my mom and grandmother who lived with us at the time. It was decided that I should decorate this turkey in and appropriately fall manner, with acorns and fall leaves (not so easy to find in south FL by the way). At the end of our road was an oak tree, and I’m pretty sure it was the only one in our town. I’m not sure what kind of oak it was, but it made acorns that were longer than usual and very smooth and shiny. My grandmother and I walked to the end of the road with a bag and collected handfuls of these things, as well as the leaves that had begun to fall. We went home and glued these onto my turkey cutout. It was beautiful. We sprayed it with hairspray to give it a luster and to keep the leaves from crumbling apart. I took my turkey to school and everyone was talking about how great it looked. I was going to with this competition for sure!
Well, in south FL, the heat is cranked on in the buildings as soon as the temperature dipped below 70 degrees. Apparently some types of acorns have larva that live in them and apparently these larva like to hatch and crawl out of people’s 4th grade Thanksgiving turkeys in warm temperatures. I learned this the hard way. Pretty soon the entire class was gathered around the craft table staring and shrieking that “Ginnie’s turkey had worms.” By the time the neighboring class came over to judge the turkeys mine was sitting OUTSIDE the classroom, by our back door, next to our weather station. No Thanksgiving prize for Ginnie.
As you can probably tell, this was a tragic thing for a 10 year old little girl to have to deal with. Moral of the story…don’t make a turkey from leaves and acorns, well, leaves are OK, but keep the acorns outside.

I was at Target today looking for the book “The Paperbag Princess.” While I was searching I turned and saw the Disney movie Hocus Pocus. I was so excited to find it! (I also found Bedknobs and Broomsticks!) This brought back so many fond memories of watching it on television at night when it would come on the Disney Channel. This movie would only be shown during the month of October, so it was one of the movies we would look forward to every year. Other movies that we looked forward to included: The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown!; The Charlie Brown Christmas; Rudolph; Frosty the Snowman. There were plenty more to be sure, but the point is, we would look forward to these movies every year. Waiting patiently as the hot summers turned cooled and finally into fall. October brought Halloween, November, Thanksgiving and December, Christmas. These days before DVD’s and the internet that now leave us with little to know anticipation. If I want to watch Hocus Pocus in the middle of March, I can. If I want to watch Frosty the Snowman in the middle of July, well, that’s my prerogative. Now, I am by no means bashing modern technologies. I certainly did buy Hocus Pocus tonight, and I am watching it now. But I just have to wonder if the magic of it will be lost (pun intended).