because knowing is half the battle...

So. It's been a while since I've done this blogging thing. The last one was a bulleted update of life as I know it. I suppose that I'll go a little deeper this time.
Things have been kinda stressful in my neck of the woods lately. I've been juggling a lot of emotions. School has been highly stressful. I'm not really sure why that is. A friend and I were talking today about how "burnt out" we're feeling. We were discussing that we had a restful break over the Christmas holidays, which would normally mean that we would be ready to hit the ground running for the new semester. Instead, it feels more like I was thrown from a moving vehicle and hit the ground hard and rolled into a pile of garbage. This battered and bruised feeling (not to mention covered in grime) is how I've felt most of the semester. It's a constant feeling of being behind in work. A constant struggle to keep up with classes, clinic, homework, and projects. When you throw balancing a relationship with my fiance, my roommate, my parents and my other friends into the mix, well, something is bound to be dropped.
I learned last semester how important it is to keep the "sand in my cup" so that I am able to fill all the other "cups" that represent my relationships and obligations. I struggle with this concept, trying to keep myself fulfilled, but doing everything else at the same time. I've seen the strain that it is taking on relationships, but the relationship I see the most strain with is my relationship with God. In all of the chaos, I seem to push him to the back the most. And the thing is, I'm surrounded by reminders of the preciousness of our relationship. I'm surrounded by people who are reminders to me of what it means to have a closeness with God.
I think that really, this is my real struggle. Maybe this is why I feel like I'm treading water in a storm. My body is taken care of, my school work is taken care of, my relationships are being nurtured. My soul is tired. I haven't rested in God. I think that for the first time in my life, I understand what that means, and I long for it....